Crampei de viata

17 ani, baierame, timiditate, inceput,
Saliva, buze, rasuflare,
Noapte alba, lacul tei,
Ciorapi de dama, suferinta, fotografie, ramas-bun,
Disperare, hohote de ras, politie, rasarit, metrou,
Prietenie, plaja, foc, dragoste, putere, tinerete, fum,
Iubire, amintire, val, nepasare, lupta, orgasm ideal.


17 mii, pahar, tigara, camin, speranta, asternut,
Betie, cantec, ignoranta, ruscas, nisip, gara de nord,
Carte de munca, libertate, urlet, rana,
Scarba, mila, lasitate, orgoliu, furie, nedreptate,
Mizerie, otrava, rautate, violenta, sange.


Succesc, povara, somnifer, avutie, aer, secunda, ger,
Invidie, depravare, nerabdare, goana, depresie, mal,
Delfini, lumina, orizont, liniste, furtuna, despartire, somn,
Albastru, cersetor, destin, ratacire, suflet, coroana, chin,
Uitare, lacrima, copil, oboseala, tremur, prevestrire, har,
Speranta, judecata, scrum,
Asteptare, zambet, credinta, drum,
Destertaciune, stele, foc,
Intuneric, inger, nemurire, nimic,
Calatorie, univers, molecula, dor, infinït…

Aseara ma plimbam pe banda biciclistilor din fata, spatele sau laterala Casei Poporului (niciodata nu stii). "Aseara" este un termen inexact. Era 2 dimineata si bulevardul aproape pustiu mirosea a iarba proaspat cosita si a asfalt incins.

Ma gandesc intens cand ma plimb si, poate de aceea, evit sa plimb prea des. Spatiul vast in care paseam m-a dus firesc cu gandul la singuratate. Daca timp de multe saptamani principala mea preocupare (filosofica) a fost propria mea singuratate (mai degraba simtita decat traita) de cateva zile incoace ma confrunt cu atatea alte singuratati incat propria mea situatie mi se pare caracterizata de o similitudine aproape deranjanta (pentru idealurile mele de unicitate).

Nu pot sa nu remarc in lumea contemporana mie, tendinta oamenilor de a isi lega soarta de un alt individ mult mai tarziu decat in deceniile, secolele sau chiar mileniile trecute. Astfel, casatoria suporta un proces de degradare (in timp si in esenta) care se transpune in realitatea cotidiana prin:

" - Hai frate, lasa-ma cu casatoria."
" - Mai intai sa-mi traiesc viata si apoi ma leg"
" - Dupa 35 de ani m-oi gandi si la insurat/maritat".

Nu am cum sa remarc pozitia "vietii" in raport cu "casatoria". Daca stramosii nostrii vedeau viata in interiorul casniciei, noi vedem in mod clar viata in afara actului de la primarie. Daca in lumea araba (si nu numai) viata incepea cu casnicia (fetele se casatoreau de la 11, 12 ani), in lumea contemporana viata se termina cu casnicia iar respectiva casnicie este vazuta ca o moarte, o fundatura, un preambul al mortii (si, chiar uneori, o moarte figurativa).

Totusi, la fel ca si in preistorie, exista si pe taramul secolelor noastre o teama extrema. Mi-as dedica cateva luni din viata cercetarii acestei frici primordiale numai din curiozitatea de a afla daca frica de singuratate a individului este sau nu mai mare decat teama de moarte. Foarte adevarat este ca cele doua temeri sunt extrem de inrudite - de fapt baza lor este comuna. Omul nu poate supravietui decat in colectiv, in comunitate. Acest fapt este mai valabil astazi chiar decat atunci cand traiam in pesteri. Teama de singuratate este atat reactie a simtului de autoconservare cat si prosdus al marketingului, filozofiei si conceptelor contemporane.

Totusi, deviind putin, suntem niste singuratici. Cuplurile nu mai sunt demult cupluri in adevaratul sens al cuvantului asa cum dragostea capata noi valente pierzand vechi valori. Unirea unor singuratati distincte este o realitate cu mult mai valabila decat alungarea singuratatii prin crearea unui singular "noi".

Here on my own - asta este realitatea. All by myself - recomandarea. Cautarea divertismentului, a antesteziantelor, a reprezentarilor, a superficialitatilor, aparentelor, povestilor (multe, intense dar artificiale) este doar o cale pe care, in mijlocul unei confuzii generale si generalizate, o alegi - asa cum o fac toti ceilalti. "Toti ceilalti" este elementul cheie - astfel chiar daca suntem ABSOLUT singuri (simtim asta) alegerea in spiritul turmei ne apropie de o colectivitate si de o senzatie de apartenenta - chiar daca nu facem altceva decat sa alegem, realegem si re-re-alegem mereu si mereu singuratatea.

Desigur acesta este doar un fel de eseu. Nu o poveste.

This makes a person do some thinking.

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't
expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'


This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift
Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.